Previously (thirty seconds ago…). Whitney got a job selling her soul to the devil but it looks like she essentially does the same crap she did at Teen Vogue. Everybody hates Stephanie (except for Lauren), everybody hates Spencer, and everybody hates Heidi. Feel the rain on your skin!

People’s Revolution. A bunch of dirty looking white people are gathering together for a meeting with Kelly Cutrone. Are they back in LA? I can’t figure out where Kelly Cutrone is based since she said the only office of theirs that really matters is the one in NYC. Anyway, it’s LA Fashion Week which means absolutely nothing because Los Angeles fashion is disgusting but Kelly Cutrone wants people to reccanize. She lets her staff know that this is some no-nonsense shit and there’s no concept of 9-to-5 any longer and everyone can expect to stay at work until 11 or later. She reminds the gang to wear all black as if they work at a hair salon, “no boobs” — I don’t know if that means she doesn’t want to see your boobs in case you were planning to go that route at work but whatevs — no rolling your eyes, etc. The usual.  Some chick next to Whitney witha large mouth is questioned about what the celeb status is and Large Mouth warbles about how she hasn’t gotten it done yet and Kelly Cutrone stands up and flips the table over and is like, “Are you kidding me?!?!” and then slaps her across the face. Not really, but she might as well have. Whitney pipes up and suggests some shit about Robin Antin – who the hell is that? I don’t know but it pleases Kelly Cutrone and Whitney saves the world from a fashion catastrophe.

Teen Vogue. Lauren is all alone in her closet, pining for Whitney and she can’t go two seconds without talking to her so she gives her a ring. Whitney’s like, “Who? What? I got a real job now, clown.”

Stephanie’s Apartment. Stephanie has really nasty, curled-under bangs again. Like, on purpose? I don’t get it. She and Heidi decide they need a girls night and get ready to hit da clubz.

Da Club.  Heidi is blabbering on and on about how much a floozie she used to be in her clubbing days before Spencer douche-ified her. Heidi’s realizing she needs her girl-time back and wants to know what it’s like to have real friends. OH NO! Audrina is @ da club with some non-Hills friends. What is this?!!? I need titles and the like to explain who everyone is. More white people. I see Chiara from Epic Records so it must be a work thing.

LOL @ Heidi saying there have been times where she has cried and felt “so alone”. This is shit, man. Heidi was the one who peaced out on everyone and now that her face is falling off, she decides she needs female friends? Funk dat. She sidles up to Audrina and lets her know that she wouldn’t mind being BFFs again and reminds her that she  was friends with Audrina before Lauren was. Oh snap! Audrina says, “You have to learn how to keep your friends while you’re dating some one.” Preach, sista. I <3 u Audrina and don’t you worry about everyone seeing your boobs on the internet or the fact that you have no upper lip. You’re a survivor. Anyway, Heidi feels dumb and Audrina’s pretty much like, “Lick it up baby…”

Some Furniture Store. Heidi’s shopping for furnishings for “her” apartment now that Spencer has hit the bricks.  She suggests — OMG STEPH’S BANGS are off the charts, y’all — going back to Hillside Villas to get some of her leftover stuff that she had left at Lauren’s back in their roommate days. Good idea!

The Gym. Lauren and Whitney are stretching and look exactly alike. It’s totally weird. Double weird is that they’re referencing “the first time” Lauren had a run-in with Kelly Cutrone on a previous episode of The Hills which is so like.. breaking the fourth wall to be like, “Remember the episode where I met Kelly Cutrone in season one?” Freakish. Anyway, Whitney tells Lauren that she should stop by People’s Revolution and check out her new gig.

FIDM. Lauren and Stephanie Pratt are in class. Are they still trying to convince us that these chicks go to school for real? Do you think FIDM subsidizes Lauren’s tuition since they get a weekly shout-out?  Steph informs Lauren that she went out with Heidi to a club and saw Audrina and everybody chatted and Lauren cries for a minute that Audrina might be interested in seeing other people.

Lauren’s Apartment. Audrina gets home and Lauren’s like, “What were you doing cavorting with the likes of Heidi??” When you’re a Jet, you’re a Jet all the way. Audrina’s like “BTFO, it’s not like we did anything!”

People’s Revolution. Lauren shows up to Whitney’s job and immediately, Whitney’s like, “No time for lunch” and puts Lauren to work. They’re sorting clothes and it’s very high fashion and Whitney types, “Grey Tee” into a database and I marvel at her skills. Some other boss (not Kelly) shows up and for a minute, I think W’s totally busted for having a friend at work but the boss just tells Lauren that she’s welcome to come work at fashion week and help out.

Lauren’s Apartment. Audrina is wearing a scarf inside and opens the door to Heidi. She’s there to get her mirror but really just wants to make nice with Audrina. Her face is fucking grimy from all the bronzer and they stare at each other for a good six minutes and then finally, Heidi takes her crap and leaves. Later, Lauren comes home and the place reeks of silicone and desperation so you know Montag stunk up the joint. Audrina’s like, “Heidi was here!” and Lauren’s face turns green and she bursts out of her leggings and can’t believe she let Heidi set foot in their abode. Audrina says it was no biggie but Lauren knows that something stinks in suburbia.