Previously: Justin Bobby is back on the scene and Audrina’s been seen doing her own thing. Lauren and Lo decided to get a house and they guess they’ll let Audrina in on it.

Lauren, Audrina, and Lo are checking out a “real house” that they’ve apparently already purchased. They wander around cooing and saying “soooo pretty”. This place even has a guest house for Audrina to bring her stinky men so that Lauren doesn’t have to look at them and be jealous of their love. They instantly declare it an “amazing party house!” Oh, and Audrina looks like a weirdo in a turtleneck and black suit while the other chicks are in tank tops. Cool.

Caffe Primo. Lauren and Lo are having giant cups of coffee and Lauren is so amped to live with Lo because it means they can shop together – an activity she wasn’t able to do with Audrina. They discuss the housewarming party and Lauren says that Stephen Colletti is coming. Lo’s like, “YAY!” and Lauren admits that if she lets herself have feelings for him, it builds up and gets her hopes up. Lo asks how long she liked him and Lauren says, “I never really stopped.” Bitch, please. Like you’ve ever talked about Stephen at all on The Hills. MTV just wants us to get excited about Lauren having a penis in her life again, even if it means having to dig through the Laguna Beach files to get us to watch. Well damn you, MTV! It worked!

Karma Coffeehouse. Spencer is sitting on a coffee shop couch instead of Stephanie’s, playing with his iPhone. Stephanie prances in and they’re the only ones there and I wonder if they cleared out the joint to “shoot a scene”. Steph tells Spencer that she’s going to Lauren’s housewarming party. Spencer is like, “how am i supposed to tell heidi?!?” He dismisses Stephanie and says he can’t deal with this anymore. What?? What a fucking baby.

Lauren, Audrina, and Lo’s House. I don’t want to have to call it that every time so I’m going to call it the LAL House! Audrina keeps wearing turtlenecks.. so.. what’s up with that? They’re discussing who’s coming and once Audrina says Justin Bobby, Lauren’s like, “Hold up! Let’s talk about that!” and then Lo adds, “Maybe he’ll wear his cowboy hat!” It’s fedoras, Lo! He’s wearing fedoras this season. Audrina looks all hurt that these bitches are harshing on her man. They grill Lauren about Stephen Colletti’s status in her heart. How did their house get unpacked and neatly decorated so quickly? The party begins and everyone’s showing up. Brody arrives and brings them a juicer! How LA!

Heidi’s Apartment. Stephanie pops in to let Heidi know she’s going to Lauren’s housewarming. Stephanie thinks it’s “retarded” that she should have to ask Heidi for permission to hang out with Lauren in the first place. So why did Stephanie go over to Heidi’s at all? Heidi’s all, “Like, where’s your loyalty?” More Jets and Sharks battling! Stephanie is trying to pout and is all, “Fine. I won’t even go. I’ll go watch a movie.” Yeah, you do that, Stephanie Pratt.

LAL House. Everyone’s drinking cocktails and partying and Lo comments that Brody’s girlfriend has very large breasts. Lauren makes a goofy face so you know Stephen is on the horizon! JB arrives next and all the bros “WHHOAAOAO!” at his shorter hair. JB is wearing a denim vest and he flicks his fingers through a tiki torch flame like a magician. He steals Audrina away to the guest house and Audrina tells JB that the girls were hating on him coming to their party. JB doesn’t give a fuck. Some people call him a space cowboy; some call him the gangster of love.

Also, Lauren has always embarrassed me around Stephen and she’s doing it again with her googly eyes and the way she tucks her chin against her shoulder. Why does she act like that?

More LAL House. Some amount of days later, Lauren has dinner plans with Stephen. She’s acting totally weird like this is some huge date and Stephen arrives in a fucking hoodie because you never know, man. Someone might recognize him from One Tree Hill and he doesn’t want to be too flashy. At dinner, Stephen asks for the deats on all the girls. They giggle about how everyone (like their moms) wishes they were a couple . Stephen admits this is just platonic and the camera cuts to Lauren and tries to make us think she’s disappointed by that sentiment but I doubt she really is. Lauren’s like, “remember the time.. in high school..” and they reminisce about blah and blah. He drops her off, they part with a hug and Lauren still doesn’t get a piece.

She gets home and busts out some ice cream like a proper girl and recaps with Lo. Lauren declares that hanging out with Stephen makes her feel like she’s in high school and she ain’t in high school anymore! Forreals? Lo predicts, “maybe one day it’ll work out and you’ll get married.” If only!!

Next week. LAL get a dog. Audrina gets weird vibes. Stephanie kicks Spencer out. Heidi’s going to Vegas.