Previously. Whitney rocks at her job and Lauren made Audrina swear she’d never look at another girl again.
Epic Records. Heidi shows up to Audrina’s job to have some lunch. She’s wearing the most heinous, impractical purple velvet heels. Okay, not totally heinous but they make her feet look like boats since she’s wearing leggings and her legs are twigs. They’re eating in some makeshift cafeteria and Heidi is like, “Why aren’t we friends?? Everything is Lauren’s fault! I need a girls’ night!” Heidi invites Audrina for a night out on the town and Audrina makes her dead-eye face, so who knows?
People’s Revolution. They’re apparently having a casting call because a bunch of models are milling about. Lauren shows up - she must be there to help out. Kelly Cutrone marches in, tells some girl she looks “cute” in her lingerie and makes her way over to Lauren and Whitney. Kelly remembers the time she met Lauren in that other episode and is all, “Wanna help me cast? Let’s do this.” Kelly uses “Polaroid” as a verb - “can you Polaroid these girls?” Cool.
Kelly’s like freaking out, telling Lauren and Whitney that they’re so slow taping Polaroids to the wall. Fashion waits for no one! That Big Mouth chick who eff’d up last week is back - Jessica. Kelly apparently hates her because she made Jessica give up her desk for L & W and when Jessica tries to steal Lauren to do some crap work, Kelly dismisses Jessica and is all, “No, you can do that.” Tension! Hey! I see in the background that dude who wears lipgloss who’s a choreographer on that Pussycat Dolls: Girlicious show. What gives?
Stephanie’s Apartment. Spencer’s hanging out, making a sandwich. Steph waltzes in with her curled bangs so you know she must be ready to party. She informs her bro that she’s heading out AND lets him know where she’s going AND that Heidi will be there too. Hey man, this won’t lead to confrontation or drama, will it?! Spencer has his blond Santa Claus beard so something’s definitely up.
People’s Revolution. Lauren is falling all over herself about Whitney’s job and all the good times she’s having sorting clothes for Fashion Week. She’s making it pretty obvs that she’d bag Teen Vogue in a heartbeat if she could score a gig at PR. Kelly Cuthroat comes over and tells Lauren she’ll be working actual Fashion Week runway shows and repeats her business M.O. of all black and no boobies! Sign me up! Lauren is amped to be weaseling her way into the industry completely on her own merit and not at all because she’s on television.
S Bar. All the girls - Heidi, Steph, Audrina, and Audrina’s co-worker Chiara are hanging out all like, “YAY! Look how single we are!” And Heidi’s batteries are about to short out. Who’s this? Who comes cruising up the sidewalk? Spencer! And his “friend” Kevin who was probably hired by MTV. Spencer ain’t go no friends, let alone one named Kevin. This is so fucking douchey. I’m getting irked out just watching this like it’s my own ex-boyfriend at the same bar as me. Spencer is looking around the club aimlessly, chewing gum. I think he shaved! Watch out, laydeez! Stephanie is like, “OMG! Look who’s here!” As if she didn’t spill the beans to Spencer in the first place to let him know where they’d be.
We see Spencer across the bar, asking a chick how old she is. Is that normal? Heidi’s like, “Aw hey-ll no, you guys!!” She claims she’ll fucking cut a bitch who tries to get on Spencer. Are you serious? Spencer buys shots for this random chick and they make chit-chat about sipping a shot (?) versus taking it all at once (Hm). Heidi starts fuming — literally, her face is smoking and her hair starts giving off sparks — and is like, “SHOTS?! SHOTS?! SHOTS?! (seriously, she says it three times) They’re doing shots?!” She’s really pissed about the shots. It must have been one of her and Spencer’s past times. As she attempts to exit, Spencer comes over to her. They end up fighting in some back hallway and Heidi’s like, “I’m glad you’re having fun being sooo single!” and Spencer is like, “I’m not doing anything!” And they’re so smug and weird and totally about to get it on.
Lauren’s Apartment. The next morning, Lauren appears in Audrina’s room and questions her about her night last night, jealous boyfriend-style. She’s like, “Where’d you go last night? Who were you with?” Lauren needs to wax her upper lip and she can’t handle that this convo is not about her so she makes it about her. She thinks Heidi is just trying to use Audrina to piss Lauren off. Audrina just stares at her.
Fashion Week. Kelly Cutrone is showing Lauren and Whitney how to herd the models backstage in rehearsals and everyone’s like blippity blop and flitting around. I just have to point out that Kelly’s not wearing all black and Lauren and Whitney’s boobies are kinda showing.
Bolthouse. Ha! Fake work. Heidi and Kimberly are pretending like they’re arranging the layout of an event for two seconds before Kimberly conveniently asks, “What’s wrong?” Heidi claims she had the “worst night of her life” last night. Really? What about that night you took a pregnancy test and faked that you might be pregnant just to see how your boyfriend would react? What about that time you made a music video? Anyway, Heidi asks how you can love and hate someone so much at the same time. That’s how I feel about this show. Later, she calls up Spencer and acts all pathetic and tells him to come to Bolthouse so they can talk.
Fashion Week. More model herding. I guess we’re supposed to be amazed that they’re getting models to walk down a catwalk one at a time. Geniuses!
Bolthouse. Spencer shows up and Heidi ducks into his car. LOL. I love this entire exchange. Heidi is all, “if you wanna be single, just tell me!” and Spencer is like, “Um, you forced me to be single when you told me to move out!” Apparently, Heidi expressed that she wanted space and a “relationship vacation” and Spencer is all, “Yeah, that’s called breaking up.” Oh, Spence. You surprise me sometimes when you’re like, normal. Heidi says she doesn’t want to break up and doesn’t want Spencer flirting with other chicks, but she wants her space and doesn’t want to be around him. Nice. Spencer tells her that he doesn’t think he can wait around until Heidi decides she’s done with her relationship vacay. So Heidi gets out tha car.
Fashion Week. The fashion show’s over and Kelly is so pleased with Lauren and Whitney’s performance but says nothing to her other employees who are standing right there. She tells Lauren that she “went from slo-mo to fashion glow.” WTF? Like totally geek to totally chic? Kelly immediately offers Lauren a job at People’s Revolution and says they’re looking to make some changes in the LA office. Cut to Jessica’s big ass mouth. Will she get the boot because of Lauren’s amazing skills?? Lauren and Whitney scamper off to success. Side note: Didn’t Lauren Conrad have an actual collection shown in LA Fashion Week? Like.. in “real life”? I find it hard to believe that she’s wearing a headset and directing models like a production assistant when she’s totally already designed her own shit and is showing it at Fashion Week. Whatever.
Next week. Justin Bobby’s back! Say it ain’t so. Imma cook a veggie burger and light a clove just for him. Peace.
